Ease Back-to-School Stress: How to Help Kids Feel Confident and Calm

My son started kindergarten this school year. The night before the first day of school, I tucked him into bed and listened as he whispered his own version of self-talk: “I’m sooooo nervous…but I’m excited, too.” His words said what so many kids feel in the days leading up to school—excitement tangled with worry.

If you’ve been there, you know how hard it is to watch your child wrestle with those feelings. The truth is, back-to-school jitters are incredibly common. Stress often accompanies new experiences for adults and children alike. Big transitions like starting kindergarten or moving up to a new grade may understandably make your little one nervous. The good news? With a little empathy and a few simple strategies, parents can help kids feel more confident, calm, and ready to take on the year.

Listen First, Then Validate Their Feelings

When kids tell us they’re scared or nervous, it’s tempting to brush it off with a quick, “You’ll be fine!” But while well-meaning, that kind of response can leave kids feeling unheard. The first step in easing stress is simply acknowledging it.

Instead of dismissing worries, try naming and normalizing them. You might say, “I can see you’re feeling nervous. Lots of kids feel that way before school starts.” Giving kids the language to describe their emotions not only validates their experience but also teaches them healthy ways to express big feelings.

My own kids really love when I share stories from my childhood, especially about times I felt shy or nervous in new situations. Hearing how I worked through those moments helps them feel less alone and shows them that big feelings are something everyone faces (even grown-ups).

Listening first—and showing empathy—helps kids feel seen, safe, and supported. That security is the foundation they need to begin building confidence for the school year ahead.

Practice Separation in Small Doses

Big transitions feel less overwhelming when kids have a chance to practice in smaller, low-pressure ways.

That might look like arranging short playdates without you present, leaving your child with a trusted caregiver for an afternoon, or even doing a “school practice run” where they stay with a grandparent while you head out for “the school day.”

These little separations build confidence and show kids, over and over again, that goodbyes are followed by reunions.

Preview the School Experience

Much of back-to-school stress comes from fear of the unknown. The more familiar the experience feels, the less intimidating it becomes.

If possible, visit the school ahead of time—not just during open house. Some schools may accommodate this request, especially if your child has a high degree of school-related stress. Walk the hallways, peek into the classroom, and meet the teacher. Even simple things—like showing your child where the bathroom is or how to find the playground—can take away a layer of uncertainty.

At home, you can role-play parts of the day together: packing the backpack, lining up at the door, or practicing how to ask the teacher a question. My kids love turning these practice runs into a game, which helps them feel more comfortable and even a little excited.

Previewing what’s ahead gives kids a roadmap for the first day, so they can focus less on the “what ifs” and more on the fun of starting something new.

Create a Goodbye Ritual

Drop-offs can be the hardest moment of the day. Having a short, consistent ritual can make that moment feel more predictable and less overwhelming.

It doesn’t have to be anything big. A special hug, a phrase like “I love you, see you after school,” or even a silly handshake can become your thing. The key is keeping it consistent so your child knows exactly what to expect every time you say goodbye.

When my son started school, we created a quick goodbye routine that took less than ten seconds but gave him a sense of security. Knowing what came next helped him walk into the classroom with a little more confidence—and helped me walk away with a little more peace.

Model Calm and Confidence

Kids are experts at picking up on our emotions—even the ones we think we’re hiding. If we show up at drop-off with visible nerves, they’ll likely mirror that same energy. But when we stay calm and confident (easier said than done, I know!), we send the message that school is a safe and positive place.

This doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect. It’s okay to acknowledge the nerves while showing your child that you believe they can handle it. A simple, steady tone of voice, a smile, and a confident goodbye can go a long way.

I’ve also found that sharing positive school memories from my own childhood—like a favorite teacher or a fun first-day tradition—helps my kids shift their focus from fear to excitement. They start to see school as a place for new adventures rather than just something to be nervous about.

The Final Note

Back-to-school jitters are a normal part of growing up. Just like adults feel butterflies before a big presentation or first day at a new job, kids feel them, too. By listening first, practicing small separations, previewing what’s ahead, creating goodbye rituals, and modeling calm, you’re giving your child the tools they need to navigate those nerves with confidence.

Most children settle into the rhythm of school with time, patience, and encouragement. And if your child’s worries seem to go beyond typical first-day nerves—such as ongoing signs of stress—reach out to your pediatrician or a trusted healthcare provider for support.

Here’s to a calm, confident school year—for you and your little one!