Toddler Sleep Troubles: How I Help My Kids Stay in Bed All Night

If you're stuck in the endless loop of bedtime battles and middle-of-the-night wake-ups, I see you. If your toddler has turned “one more drink of water” into a stall tactic worthy of an Oscar, you’re not alone.

I used to think if I just did bedtime “right,” my son—the oldest of my two children— would magically sleep through the night. I read all the expert advice, followed all the rules, and tried to control every part of the process. Spoiler alert: That didn’t work.

What did? Letting go of control and giving him choices within a structured routine. Instead of battling him, I collaborated with him—and that’s when everything changed.

Why Do Toddlers and Preschoolers Struggle with Sleep?

At this age, kids are learning independence, testing boundaries, and figuring out how the world works—which makes bedtime a prime battleground.

Common reasons toddlers resist sleep:

• Testing Limits – Sleep is one of the first things kids realize they can control.

• Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) – If the house is still buzzing, they don’t want to miss out.

• Separation Anxiety – Fear of being alone can make bedtime (and staying asleep) tough.

• Craving Attention – Any response, even frustration, can reinforce night waking.

• Developmental Leaps & Sleep Regressions – Potty training, dropping a nap, or big milestones can shake things up.

Understanding why your child fights sleep is the first step toward helping them stay in bed all night.

My Biggest Sleep Lesson: Letting Go of Control and Offering Choices

I thought strict bedtime rules would help my son sleep better. Instead, it turned bedtime into a power struggle. The harder I pushed, the harder he resisted.

What finally worked? Giving him choices within a structured routine.

How Giving Choices Transformed Bedtime

Toddlers crave independence—when they have a say, they’re far more likely to cooperate.

Here’s what we did:

• We built an "Excellent Bedtime Routine" together – He helped choose the steps (pajamas, brush teeth, potty, book, lights out, song, and 40 kisses—his favorite number at the time).

• We drew a visual schedule – Stick figures and all, taped to the wall near his bed.

• We made it his routine, not just mine – Since he had a hand in creating it, he felt ownership over the process.

Over a year later, that same bedtime schedule still hangs on his wall—not because he needs it anymore, but as a reminder of how far we’ve come.

Structured Flexibility: The Key to a Peaceful Bedtime

By giving my son choices within a structured routine, bedtime stopped feeling like something forced upon him and started feeling like something he was part of.

This shift dramatically reduced bedtime battles—and once I stopped fighting to control his sleep, he finally started sleeping better.

Another big change? We dropped his afternoon nap. I had been forcing it because I wanted a break. But at 3.5 years old, it was causing more bedtime struggles than it was solving.

The Power of Staying Emotionally Neutral at Night

One of my biggest mistakes early on? Letting my emotions take over during nighttime wake-ups.

When my son cried out at 2 a.m., I’d rush in with cuddles or firmly remind him to go back to sleep. Either way, he got my attention—and that was enough to reinforce the habit.

Why Attention Fuels Night Wakings

For a child craving attention, any response—positive or negative—reinforces the wake-up habit.

Even a whispered “go back to sleep” or an exasperated sigh teaches them that waking up gets a reaction.

The “Zombie Walk” Approach: No-Drama Night Wakings

The key to stopping unnecessary wake-ups isn’t just guiding them back to bed—it’s doing it in a way that makes waking up boring.

Here’s what worked:

• Stay neutral and robotic. No frustration, no soothing—just a calm, predictable response.

• Minimal talking, no eye contact. The less interaction, the better. I’d simply say, "It’s time for sleep," guide him back to bed, and leave.

• Be consistent. Even if it took multiple nights, the message was clear: Nighttime is for sleeping, not attention.

And guess what? It worked.

At first, he protested. But when he realized he wasn’t getting extra cuddles, conversation, or even frustration, the night wakings became less frequent and less intense.

Of course, sleep is far from perfect and we still deal with occasional nighttime wakeups from accidents or bad dreams. But these wake-ups are the exception, not the norm. I’ll take it!

Celebrate Wins During the Day, Not at Night

Instead of reacting at night, I hyped up progress during the day:

• “You stayed in bed all night! I’m so proud of you!”

• “You’re getting so good at being a big kid and sleeping in your own bed!”

This gave him the attention he needed—without reinforcing night wakings.

Other Toddler Sleep Solutions That Can Help

Some extra strategies that made a huge difference:

1. A Comfort Object

A stuffed animal, special blanket, or a dim nightlight can make sleep feel safe and secure.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy suggests recording a voice message on a sound button your child can press if they need reassurance. I haven’t tried it yet, but it’s in my back pocket if needed.

2. Gradual Independence Strategies

If your child relies on you to fall asleep, using a gentle transition method can help them learn to self-soothe.

The Chair Method:

• Start next to the bed until they fall asleep.

• Every few nights, move the chair a little farther away—eventually sitting outside the door.

• Over time, your toddler adjusts to sleeping without your presence.

3. Creating a Sleep-Friendly Environment

• Dark – Blackout curtains help block early sunrises.

• Cool – 65-70°F is ideal for sleep.

• Quiet – White noise can drown out household sounds.

• No screens – Keep tablets, TVs, and toys out of the bedroom.

Tip: If your child is afraid of the dark, try a red or amber nightlight—less disruptive to melatonin than white or blue lights.

4. Sticking to a Consistent Sleep Schedule (Even on Weekends!)

• Keep bedtime & wake-up times within an hour of their weekday schedule.

• Avoid long, late naps that push bedtime later.

• Stick to the same bedtime routine—predictability is key.

Final Thoughts: Progress Over Perfection

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: there’s no perfect sleep method.

Some nights feel like victories. Others feel like you’re back to square one. But progress happens in small, steady steps.

The key? Consistency, patience, and small, intentional changes. Whether it’s offering choices at bedtime, staying neutral during wake-ups, or creating a sleep-friendly environment, every step brings you closer to stress-free nights and well-rested mornings.

And if you’re feeling exhausted and discouraged? I’ve been there. But I promise—it gets better. Even the smallest tweaks can make a big difference in your toddler’s sleep.

Because before you know it, you’ll look back and realize just how far you’ve come.